Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Crew Tracker

The Question:

What is a Crew Tracker?

My Thoughts:

Airline pilots and flight attendants, reserve and line-holders alike, fear the crew tracker. Assigned by crew schedulers, the crew tracker mercilessly stalks down their prey, a pilot or flight attendant. Their only goal is to stock airplanes with crew members. They are not normal human beings, with a personality that makes the most hardened criminal shake, an intimate knowledge of all the possible hiding places, an encyclopedic knowledge of the contract, and beady little eyes, able to see through the phone line to know that the claimed beer is really a soda, or the desired crew member is hiding in the ceiling. Former airline pilots now working as FAA Inspectors and NTSB Investigators tip-toe lightly around the crew tracker, twenty years post-airline. They've heard stories and wonder, no one daring to look, is their name on that clipboard? Even chief pilots are not immune from the effects of a crew tracker, for when the tracker has problems, so does the chief.

The crew tracker is generally unlikable for the news they bear is never good. They never seem to be caught up by TSA, food, or even a need to use a restroom. They have patience beyond that of Marine Snipers and similar abilities to blend with their environment. They'll wait for hours for their prey, an unsuspecting crew member, going merrily about, thinking of the trip home. Suddenly, a crew tracker materializes in front of the hapless crew. From what seems to be the same brown clipboard comes an assignment, maybe it's one trip, or maybe it's another three days of trips. In the jetway, no one can hear you scream.

Sometimes the tracker's arrival is forecast by ACARS. Officially and properly nailed, the crew solemnly performs what they had hoped was their last landing, the jovial atmosphere long evaporated. Some surrender to the inevitable, others go kicking and screaming, but to fight is futile, if one is legal, one goes. Only the new-hires hope for a tracker, for them it means more flying, even if there is a ten hour sit, it's still flying. The new-hires soon learn. And the trackers resume their disguise.

In times of bad weather, crew must report in to the trackers, the trackers seemingly able to reproduce on whim and be in several spots at once. One must know their contract and be able to out-spout the trackers, as when the weather lets loose its fury, so do the trackers. That easy out-and-back you had to SAN, hah, you're on the next flight to BOS. That well-scheduled four-day with lots of flying and an early release, forget it, you're on your way to RDU for a 5 hour sit.

There are no friends, and no favors are remembered. Seniority doesn't matter, if you're the only one with a pulse that won't time out. Even being at the schoolhouse won't save you, when times are desperate, 10 guys in class just became 5 flight crews with no worries of timing out.

If you ever step into the airline world, beware the crew tracker! Beware!!!!

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